I survived the first week back to work. And guys, it was nothing like I had imagined.
Let’s rewind it back…
When Brayden was first born, I would lay awake at night, in between feedings, thinking “I could never leave this little boy”- the anxiety of leaving him began weeks after having him. Now, I had to talk myself down from all kinds of crazy because I had a whoooooole year to enjoy him. Right?
Did that year ever FLY by. The 9 month mark hit and that was when that anxiety decided to kick back in. I had a meeting with work and they needed to know my exact “come-back-to-work” date. And man, was I ever overwhelmed. We had mutually decided on February 6th… the Monday after Brayden’s first birthday. As the weeks went on, I was literally torturing myself with a mental count-down. I would be instantly jealous of hearing of anyone who got to stay at home with their babes and not return to work. I was trying to seek out working mom’s who would tell me that I was making the right decision. I was longing for some sort of acceptance… because in my mind, I was being a horrible mom. But let me tell you, one week in, and I do not regret my decision to return to work at all. Here are a few things that I have learned in just one week.
The anticipation SUCKS
I mentally tortured myself for far too long. I would count down the weeks, then the days, and the hours and even the minutes. I was drowning in my own fear and saddness of leaving Brayden. But… the adult conversations were refreshing, sitting in on meetings gave me a sense of purpose and quite frankly… I felt like a #girlboss who had turned into one hell of a #momboss. Yes, I missed our early morning snuggle sessions but I knew he was in good hands. Luckily, work was so busy that I had very little time to sit and be sad.
Quality vs Quantity
In the last week, I have spent quality time with my babe… with little distractions. Dinner time, bath time & play time have a whole new meaning. Gone are the days of waiting for my husband to come home so I could escape for a warm bath, a coffee or just “me”time. I wanted allll of Brayden’s time and love, distraction free. Our time together is so much more valuable now and I will take all of the baby cuddles, slobbery kisses & messy dinner sessions I can get.
You know the girl I was before baby…I think I found apart of her again. For the longest time while on mat leave, if I left the house without Brayden I felt naked. He was apart of me, apart of my life and I wanted him to be with him every second of the day. After all, he was (and forever will be) my little sidekick. But for the first time in months, I had a sense of independence again. I could pee by myself, drink lots (& lots) of warm coffee, run errands without dragging a babe around and not be constantly bound by a baby/toddler schedule. It was weird but oddly… refreshing.
Now don’t get me wrong, there really is no place in this whole wide world that I would rather be, then to be with my son. But being a working mom and providing a better future for Brayden, really isn’t that bad after all.
To the mama’s who will soon be returning back to work for the first time, second time or fifth time… you are a friggin superhero. You CAN have it all… a family, a home, a career, a life… everything. Your babies will one day admire your perservence and determination on juggling mama-hood, wife-life & being one helluvagirl boss. You’ve got this mama!
Cheers to being a #momboss!
With love, Chels